Salam to all,
In my opinion, kecurangan suami berpunca dari kurangnya pengetahuan mengenai Islam. We view Islam as a religion (e.g. solat 5 waktu), but in fact it is a code of life yang merangkumi semua aspek kehidupan i.e. spiritual, intellectual, personal, family, social, economical, political and international. I was not born in a Muslim family. Embracing Islam as an adult helps me to view this ‘deen’ as “a submission, following and worship by man for the Creator, the Ruler, the Subjugator in a comprehensive system of life with all its belief, intellectual, moral and practical aspects.”
Some of the things that I have learned as a convert which I find relevant to the topic (punca suami curang) are as follows:
1. Nafsu - Allah SWT menciptakan manusia mempunyai nafsu yang bertindak sebagai perangsang dan pendorong ke arah mencapai impian dan kemahuan hidup. This includes nafsu (suami, isteri...and the other woman) untuk mendapat kasih sayang, pengiktirafan, ganjaran, dsb. If we are aware of and can control this, insyaAllah we will not sin.
2. Marriage in Islam is a form of submission to Allah – analogous to building a mosque, pernikahan dari kaca mata Islam adalah untuk mendekatkan diri kepada Allah SWT, dan BUKAN hanya kerana paras rupa, harta benda…dan tuntutan biologi...but most of us did not marry because of Allah. If we marry for other reasons other than Allah, tendency to become unfaithful is bigger.
3. Peranan Syaitan untuk menyesatkan manusia – Syaitan menggunakan nafsu manusia sebagai modal untuk memecahbelahkan keluarga Islam. Contoh
a. Isteri dihasut supaya lebihkan kasih sayang pada anak2 atau ibu bapa kandung sendiri. Ataupun lebihkan perhatian pada kerjaya daripada suami. Padahal it has been written that suami deserves most of our attention, as long as tidak bercanggah dengan agama. I mean, who among us women yang behave seperti ‘wanita pertama yang masuk syurga’?
b. Isteri dihasut supaya warning husband awal2 lagi untuk tidak berpoligami sedangkan dari segi agama dibolehkan. Once warned, suami akan menyembunyikan dari pengetahuan isteri affairs of his life. Maybe kalau isteri bagi lesen awal2, suami akan berbincang dengan isteri mengenai other woman that he is interested in. Then both husband and wife can discuss the impact to the family.
c. Suami pula dihasut layanan isteri seakan tidak pernah sempurna di mata suami. Dan di dorong untuk berkawan dengan wanita lain. Bila dah berkawan... find many things in common, eventually jadi kekasih, or simply the woman makes him feel appreciated and special... which is not different from what isteri has been doing and is still doing, but mata suami dah ditutup oleh syaitan.
Dari segi peranan isteri, First of all, wife has to ACCEPT this as a test, BELIEVE in HIM that there is a hikmah in this test, and CONTINUOUSLY pray to Allah for guidance. Future actions must be based on what He has foretold us. The wife must ask herself the actions that she can take to make things better for herself, her children...and ALSO her husband.
As mentioned by our friends in the previous posts, there are many things that women can do to ignite the sparks in their marriage, to make men feel loved and appreciated...just like when they were both still infatuated with one another.
She also needs to remind her husband (and herself) of Allah; Allah SWT knows every single thing that we did, do, and will do...what we thought, think, and will think of... we have to answer for all of them –be rewarded or punished.
She needs to remind him that Islam has provided a solution for this situation; her husband has two choices. If he really loves the woman and think he CAN be a fair and just leader of two families, then he should marry the other woman, and the wife must accept this. If he is INCAPABLE, then he should discontinue his action, repent and ask God for forgiveness. Kalau suami refuse, kaunseling keluarga is the next step. Maybe Ustaz dapat memberi nasihat daripada perspektif lelaki Muslim and Ustazah dapat memberi nasihat daripada perspektif wanita Mquslimah.
Cakap memang senang. Bila dah kena batang hidung sendiri baru tahu. So I end my two cents worth with an apology (Forgive me, I dont intend to offend anyone) and a prayer
“Ya Allah, if my husband ever become unfaithful to me I beseech You my Creator, grant me wisdom to see it for what it is, strength to accept your test, and perseverance in resolving the test according to ways that You have foretold us. Amin”.
In my opinion, kecurangan suami berpunca dari kurangnya pengetahuan mengenai Islam. We view Islam as a religion (e.g. solat 5 waktu), but in fact it is a code of life yang merangkumi semua aspek kehidupan i.e. spiritual, intellectual, personal, family, social, economical, political and international. I was not born in a Muslim family. Embracing Islam as an adult helps me to view this ‘deen’ as “a submission, following and worship by man for the Creator, the Ruler, the Subjugator in a comprehensive system of life with all its belief, intellectual, moral and practical aspects.”
Some of the things that I have learned as a convert which I find relevant to the topic (punca suami curang) are as follows:
1. Nafsu - Allah SWT menciptakan manusia mempunyai nafsu yang bertindak sebagai perangsang dan pendorong ke arah mencapai impian dan kemahuan hidup. This includes nafsu (suami, isteri...and the other woman) untuk mendapat kasih sayang, pengiktirafan, ganjaran, dsb. If we are aware of and can control this, insyaAllah we will not sin.
2. Marriage in Islam is a form of submission to Allah – analogous to building a mosque, pernikahan dari kaca mata Islam adalah untuk mendekatkan diri kepada Allah SWT, dan BUKAN hanya kerana paras rupa, harta benda…dan tuntutan biologi...but most of us did not marry because of Allah. If we marry for other reasons other than Allah, tendency to become unfaithful is bigger.
3. Peranan Syaitan untuk menyesatkan manusia – Syaitan menggunakan nafsu manusia sebagai modal untuk memecahbelahkan keluarga Islam. Contoh
a. Isteri dihasut supaya lebihkan kasih sayang pada anak2 atau ibu bapa kandung sendiri. Ataupun lebihkan perhatian pada kerjaya daripada suami. Padahal it has been written that suami deserves most of our attention, as long as tidak bercanggah dengan agama. I mean, who among us women yang behave seperti ‘wanita pertama yang masuk syurga’?
b. Isteri dihasut supaya warning husband awal2 lagi untuk tidak berpoligami sedangkan dari segi agama dibolehkan. Once warned, suami akan menyembunyikan dari pengetahuan isteri affairs of his life. Maybe kalau isteri bagi lesen awal2, suami akan berbincang dengan isteri mengenai other woman that he is interested in. Then both husband and wife can discuss the impact to the family.
c. Suami pula dihasut layanan isteri seakan tidak pernah sempurna di mata suami. Dan di dorong untuk berkawan dengan wanita lain. Bila dah berkawan... find many things in common, eventually jadi kekasih, or simply the woman makes him feel appreciated and special... which is not different from what isteri has been doing and is still doing, but mata suami dah ditutup oleh syaitan.
Dari segi peranan isteri, First of all, wife has to ACCEPT this as a test, BELIEVE in HIM that there is a hikmah in this test, and CONTINUOUSLY pray to Allah for guidance. Future actions must be based on what He has foretold us. The wife must ask herself the actions that she can take to make things better for herself, her children...and ALSO her husband.
As mentioned by our friends in the previous posts, there are many things that women can do to ignite the sparks in their marriage, to make men feel loved and appreciated...just like when they were both still infatuated with one another.
She also needs to remind her husband (and herself) of Allah; Allah SWT knows every single thing that we did, do, and will do...what we thought, think, and will think of... we have to answer for all of them –be rewarded or punished.
She needs to remind him that Islam has provided a solution for this situation; her husband has two choices. If he really loves the woman and think he CAN be a fair and just leader of two families, then he should marry the other woman, and the wife must accept this. If he is INCAPABLE, then he should discontinue his action, repent and ask God for forgiveness. Kalau suami refuse, kaunseling keluarga is the next step. Maybe Ustaz dapat memberi nasihat daripada perspektif lelaki Muslim and Ustazah dapat memberi nasihat daripada perspektif wanita Mquslimah.
Cakap memang senang. Bila dah kena batang hidung sendiri baru tahu. So I end my two cents worth with an apology (Forgive me, I dont intend to offend anyone) and a prayer
“Ya Allah, if my husband ever become unfaithful to me I beseech You my Creator, grant me wisdom to see it for what it is, strength to accept your test, and perseverance in resolving the test according to ways that You have foretold us. Amin”.
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